Sweet Boy,
Today you are 11 1/2 weeks old. I can't believe that in 12 short days you will be 3 months old. No longer a newborn. The saying, "Time flies," has taken on a whole new meaning since you came into this world. Speaking of, I wanted to tell you how you made your grand appearance! Number one, so if I forget the details, I can refer back to this; and number 2, if you ever want to know about your very first birthday, you can read about it anytime you want for yourself!
On a Sunday night (April 10th), I was getting ready for bed and feeling very tired. Of course I was very tired! I was 39 1/2 weeks pregnant with you! You were due that Wednesday, the 13th, and I was eagerly looking forward to that day because I was scheduled to be induced. I was SO tired, and huge and swollen, and basically OVER being pregnant. In the middle of my bedtime routine, some things began happening that indicated labor may be imminent. However, I also knew that these things sometimes don't indicate labor at all. I called your MiMi (my mommy!) and told her what was happening, and she said that she thought I would probably go into labor in the next 24 hours, but to just go ahead to bed because there was really nothing to be done until labor started. So, I did just that. At about 2:00 that morning, I got up for one of my 100 bathroom trips, and when I got out of bed, my water broke! Trying not to panic, and also not wanting to make something out of nothing, I went to the bathroom and sure enough, it was time to head to the hospital! So, I calmly and quietly woke up your dad and said, "Babe, I think it's time to go to the hospital." We were off and away by 3:00 am.
When we arrived at the hospital we got checked in, and discovered that I had a bit of a fever, but was also told that it's not abnormal for a fever to occur when water breaks before active labor begins. So, we were told not to worry but to gear up for a long labor because I wasn't contracting strongly or frequently at all. By about 7:30-8 am, I was started on pitocin to get my labor moving and contractions strong and frequent. I still had a fever, but wasn't feeling bad or even in all that much pain, so I was pretty happy and excited for your arrival. Once pitocin was started, my pain went from a 2 or 3 to a 7 or 8 in about 5 minutes. Pitocin=poison. Anyway, by about noon I had an epidural and was MUCH happier. However, my labor really wasn't progressing and my contractions weren't strong enough to help me along. So, my doctor hoped that the epidural would allow me to relax and that I would progress faster that way. I was checked again around 3 p.m., again with some progress, but not much and still "weak" contractions. I was given something to reduce my fever, but it wasn't working. I was getting very tired and ready to meet you more and more as the hours passed. By 8 pm that night, I was beginning to feel some pressure. I was sure it was time to push and meet you! Wrong. I was checked and was still only 7 cms dilated. However, as the minutes went by, pressure turned into more pressure, and more pressure turned into pain. I started to panic. The anesthesiologist came and gave me something, and it helped a lot. I relaxed and at about 8:45, my doctor came in a wanted me to try pushing. It wasn't quite time yet, but we had hopes that this would help move things along and get you ready to come out. While pushing, I started to feel that pain again. However, at that time all I could think about what getting you out! I just pushed through the pain, literally, in hopes that you would be out and it would all be over. As I pushed and pushed, my doctor informed me that you simply weren't going to fit. I could try to push if that was what I wanted, but I ran the risk of needing forceps, a vacuum, and potentially having to break your shoulders to get you out. I said, "UH no, C-Section now!" So, my doctor went to get the OR and I was going to be prepared for surgery.
After Dr. Cohen left, I was acutely aware of the pain I was in. I told my nurse and she went to get the anesthesiologist again. He came and gave me more of what he had given me before, but this time not only did it not help, but my pain was getting worse and worse. I was also informed that we would have to wait for the c section, because the OR was in use. It would be at least an hour before I could get in there. Pain turned to agony, and I thought surely I was going to die. I would be the first woman to die from labor pain, because I couldn't survive it. I only thought I was in pain before I got my epidural- HA! That was a cake walk in comparison. I realized shortly that I was able to move my legs. I very quickly realized that my epidural had completely worn off.
Once in the OR, my nurse said that someone needed to move me to the OR table because I had an epidural and was unable to move my legs. I looked at her and said, "That epidural wore off a long time ago, I'll move myself to the table." And I did just that. The anesthesiologist quickly said something to the effect of, "That wore off. I guess she really is in pain." and mommy was, needless to say, very unhappy with him.
Once I was ready for surgery, they let your daddy in to the OR and we were ready for you to be born! I was really having trouble staying awake from all of the pain medication I was given and told your dad, "Please take pictures!" and was in and out of consciousness the whole time. All I remember of your actual birth is your dad saying to me, "I'm crying already, why aren't you crying?!" The doctor saying, "Lauren, can you see him?" and I looked over, saw your feet, and went back to sleep. This makes mommy very sad. I wish it wasn't that way, but we did get pictures so at least I can look back on them.
You were born on Monday, April 11, 2011 at 11:31 p.m. You were 7 lbs 13 0z and 20 inches long. You had red hair and a cone head! I was in labor with you for 21 very long hours. When you were born, you also had a fever, so you were immediately sent to the NICU for a blood culture and antibiotics. It turns out that mommy had a pretty serious infection called "Chorioamnioitits" which is an infection of the amniotic fluid and placenta. The doctors wanted to be sure that you didn't contract my infection, so you had to be in the NICU for at least 3 days while the blood culture was being done. Because of this, mommy didn't get to hold you until 24 hours after you were born because I had surgery and couldn't get out of bed and walk to the NICU. This also makes mommy VERY sad.
Once I did get to hold you, it was a moment I will never forget. I couldn't believe that I was looking at the baby that had been growing inside of my for so long. The baby that had been kicking and squirming in there, and the baby I had been dreaming about. You were here. And you were perfect! You did not end up getting my infection, however, you did end up in the NICU for 6 days due to some other things that cropped up while you were there. You had an episode of apnea, where you stopped breathing after a projectile vomit, and because of that they had to monitor you for 3 additional days. We had to leave the hospital without you, and this made mommy VERY VERY VERY sad. Devastated, in fact.
We brought you home on April 17 and it was a wonderful day! We were finally home as one big happy family, just the way it should be. And that's the way it has been since.
I know it probably seems like my experience was pretty terrible, and it pretty much was. Everything that I thought was going to happen went exactly the opposite, and I had a lot of guilt about it for several weeks. I felt like my body had failed you and I both. All of that said, I would do it all over again for you. You were more than worth all of it. You were the light at the end of the tunnel. More than anything else, I'm glad it happened the way it did. It taught me a lot. It prepared me to expect the unexpected, which is really what motherhood is all about anyway. :)
Back to today: You are having a nap right now. And when you wake up, I will go pick you up and you will have a huge smile on your face when you see me. That is my favorite part of the day. When I go pick you up from your naps. I know you know me and you are happy to see me. You are my little piece of heaven here on earth. I'm so thankful for you. I love you, indeed. Nobody loves you like I do!
Love Always,
Momma
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